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today is such an expensive day for me. since it's my off day, i decided to go shopping. i shopped at paragon and takashimaya. i definitely had soo much fun! i bought a top at burberrys, tommy and also calvin klein. i just thought i should pamper myself once in a while. all those, really burnt a big hole in my pocket! hendria managed to force me to cityalive. : hopefully it will turn out good. i have this feeling whereby something bad will happen. sigh. she even bought the ticket for me. guess i can't turn her down. i really hope by saturday night, i will be fully recovered. i think i am 95% okay now and the other 5% is just coughing and stomach irritations. p/s: i need the strength to carry on. i need you to understand me. i don't know what is going on now but i do hope that... entah lah. tidak tahu.
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a very weak day for me. stayed home on the bed almost the whole day. i am not getting any better despite the stinking antibiotics. i need the doctor but they are closed because of the new year. urgh. why is it when i fall sick, i really fallll sick. plus i am having my menses, it doesn't help a bit. i don't feel like working tomorrow. i know if i were to go to work, it would be an unproductive day. i would end up stoning at the reception. i wouldn't want anyone to see that side of me. should i message my manager? arghhhhhh! guess i should watch twilight again and think about it. :( thanks hendria for coming over to look after me and cook for me. maybe it's a blessing in disguise that my family are away for holiday.
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i shouldn't have done that. i totally knew the outcome. but i still do it. why? because i am stubborn as a mole. luckily, i planned not to expect anything. i am not disappointed because i know the outcome but i am just pissed off to a certain extent. plus i am sick. i've been eating my medicine regularly for ricepot's sake but i am not improving. my mind's not working. everything's jammed. just when i thought i could chuck my inhaler away, now i really need the inhaler everywhere i go. :( i will be home alone for four days. parents will be away for holiday. i think i need to crash now. unless i close my eyes, my coughing won't stop.
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i never planned to blog about you. last night, i dreamt of something which made me do this right now. i know you prefer my bestie more than me but i don't really care. it's your own life and i am not as sensitive as you. at least i still know how to control my anger and emotions. i do not know why you are treating me this way. is it my fault for whatever your situation is? for fuck sake, you are an adult now. think wisely. do not create stories or even curse yourself. it's just unfair that you are not talking to me now. why, why, why? just tell me which part is my fault? if you think by being so cold towards me will change anything, you can forget about doing so. because if you do realise, it will make someone just hate you more. so you are not helping yourself but just pulling yourself down. i am sick and tired of being the nice one and always trying to make things right when you are the fucking nasty one. i tried so hard to salvage the friendship but it seems that you would rather lose it. fine with me then. no qualms.
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sejujurnya diriku ini masih mengharapkan kamu. let's see. went drinking earlier and because i 'dragged', now i am so on cloud nine in a bad way. to think i can still drive around running errands for mom. why did i drink in the first place? ahh, had quite a productive conversation with someone. thanks for making me realise what my mistake was. i wish to apologise here to you, hendriaty. though i believe its not entirely my fault, i do admit to some matters. i wish things will be fine soon. i don't think i can live this way. i didn't realise that it upset you badly. as honest as i can be right now, i felt like crying while reading all your messages. if there is anything i can do to salvage our relationship, please tell me. i would do anything. i love you. i still.. don't you? thinking back, i know i've been a real jerk to let that happen to you. i was ignorant and oblivious to everything. i never did realise that whatever it is, you were always there for me. what made me wonder most is when you commented about you regret giving up your life for me. do you mind elaborating more on that topic? i do not wish to assume anymore. i am not angry. in fact, i want to beg for your forgiveness. i know its so bad that you won't even consider getting close to me back again. sigh..
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in the dark of night when all is still, thoughts of you in my mind do fill. i saw your photos. i am feeling all so sad and blue. is it what i am thinking really true? aching inside and breaking with fear. tattered and torn, a running tear. what are you trying to say? is it that i am just in your way? if only you knew what i’m going through. time can never be replaced. time is of the utmost importance. there are only 24 hours in a day so every second, minute and hour counts. so can i please have a minute of your TIME to settle stuff once and for all? as much as you see i am okay out here, inside i am not. i know you do not like my presence around anymore but at least do tell me what is the problem. since that night.. why? you mean i can't dance with liyana/sinah? i do not get it.i cried to sleep thinking i can't be out there having fun with you guys at the club. i do not want to be a party popper and i know you won't like me being there too. even maybe that's the reason i missed the dinner at newton. i could have cancelled plans with my family to join you guys but ... sigh. i don't know. you are so revengeful and full of vengeance. i can't ask how you are doing and i can't ask how was your night and i can't ask anything about you? i don't care who you want to dance with but i just asked out of concern. you were drunk. anyways, you commented something which i strongly disagree and its best if i make it clear to shira now. shira, i am missing you out not because i have new circle of friends and i am always out with them. in fact, i am always home on weekends now and i rarely go out. i spent my time at work, dinner with siti and that's all. so hendri, do mind your words. i do not see the need for me to be there with you guys when you treat me so coldly and no one's talking to me. urgh. i don't know what i am talking about.. P/S : 2 MORE DAYS TO RESULT. POSITIVE/NEGATIVE?
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JOKE OF THE MONTH: ORGANIC PETAI = UNDERGROUND STEM that came from yana and it was so funny that everytime when i thought of it, i just laugh to myself. yesterday during breakfast, yana called me. she wants me to accompany her to plaza singapura to get sinah's present. met her at plaza singapura and that was when the joke started. before leaving for malacca, her colleagues kinda gave her a list of what to buy for them and 2 things made me laugh. check out the dialogue: - yana: you tau, i nak pergi melacca, macam macam benda orang kirim. bingit siak. me : apa yang diorang kirim? yana: macam macam lah. ada nak mintak sambal dengan udang lah, petai lah.. etc. bila diorang minta petai.. i was like.. nak petai beli kat geylang ah. ** yana showed the hand sign as if petai is an underground stem!!!!!!! LOL!!!! me : you! hahahahahahah. petai tergantung dekat pokok lah!!!! agaknya malacca punya petai organic lah you! hahahahaahahah. yana: ah ah eh you. malu seh... :P i almost choked on my pasta. so the night continued with us crapping and gossiping. had a good night and a good sleep too! think i want to have an early night tonight. i am feeling not too good. |
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i've been missing my rest so badly. i just feel that my body is going down. i wonder where have all my energy gone to. if i am sexually active, i would know. thing is, i am not. i am more of a d-i-y kind of person. lol, obviously i am just kidding. well, yesterday i went on a shopping spree at paragon. sheila called to meet her at great world city for zouk. rushed back home and within 20 minutes, i am out again to zouk. yesterday was my first to zouk and i attended the grrls party. i just can't believe that they even have butch hunt. seriously.. i got a bit disgusted looking at some of them. i just don't know how to explain. they are just like boys; the same. anyways, i was too tired and sleepy to even continue partying and decided to leave at 230am. have you guys watched 'shutter' before? its a thailand horror movie. i feel like i am the guy in shutter. my shoulder is aching so badly and my neck too. probably 'something' is sitting on me. argh, i am missing someone so badly. wish i could just meet you up for dinner but i know you won't want to. its alright, i understand. i will be able to see you soon.
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i am just so confused. yes, i know when i am not confused. this state of confusion is really driving me nuts. i don't know whether whatever i am doing is right but i do know at least one party out there is hurting badly. i can't keep living in the dark. i do not wish to live in worries. i tried to be as honest as possible but i guess that doesn't mean anything. i can't afford to lose anymore friendship. to begin with, my friends, i can only count them using my 10 fingers. at times, i can just be so friendshiply frustrated. i do not mind making friends with anyone. even if you are a crippled or a retard, you can still be my friend. i do not see any wrong in this situation but why is everything being made a big deal of? i can say that i am very happy and contented with my life right now with some exceptions which i do not wish to blog about but still.. something is bothering me. argh, i can be so contradicting at times. anyways, tonight i'm back to training. i cannot afford to slack anymore. i do not wish to disappoint my little ricepot. think i will come in the afternoon tomorrow to train too. that's because this week and next, i already have 6 appointments!! i think i am definitely busier than a bee. :)
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bitch. i am a sinner and i am a saint. :) i've been uber busy for the past few days. a lot of work to be done and deadlines to meet. but its alright, i love my side income. at least its worth the effort. good money. i ended my night quite well last night. went to celebrate two birthdays. one was at nssrcc and the other one was at naughty girl at orchard towers. goodness, they were so many transvestite. i was happy to see that shira liked my psp present to her. now she has something to cure her boredom other than her mp3 player. sigh, wish i could just blog about my personal life right now. too many eyes behind me right now. HAHA.
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my countdown for 2008 was irresistably marvellous. i had so much fun and certainly enjoyed myself. i am glad that my friends enjoyed themselves too. checking in siloso beach resort was definitely the right choice. set aside the money spent, the time spent together was just perfect. everyone had their own partner. i got my partner for the first half of the night and had to switch because of sheila. for some funny reason/s i guess. lol. i guess i lost at least 5kg just that night. sweat like a pig and everyone was just so wet; literally. i wonder why i always and always and always attract the indian community. no offence but while i was dancing that night, an indian guy came up to me and insisted that i dance with him. kept pulling my hand but luckily he looked quite good and smelled good. so i just danced with him. no harm i guess though i could felt a boner! who cares. overall.. it was an excellent night. oh did i mention that i made a tattoo that cost $150 and its airbrush? lol.. think i got cheated but its okay. :)
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