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darn, i was so busy these past few days that i can't go online because i was too tired. i've been working hard in order to pass the test. and i passed! haha. received lots of good comments from my manager and training executive. oh well, they better praise me or else i will kill them! rofl. least i worked and put my whole effort in this whole process. its not easy, i can say. dealing with ruthless colleagues especially. i'm lucky enough that all the superiors like me! and i'm going for the class soon. freee food tasting. yummy! it's weird how coincidentally i got involve in fishy business consecutively. though its not planned but i'm thankful. i learnt quite a number of things. i am sorry, wilma. i can't accept your offer. i don't know what to blog anymore. i am still sleepy and tired. cooked: prawn and salmon penne in garlic lemon butter sauce! results: big success! for your information, don't bother about the date and time on my blog. it's not correct and i don't bother to change also. as long as it doesn't affect my entries, i am fine with it. thank you. |
 do you think he is cut out to be a model? hahaha.. he is my brother. ain't he cute?how can people fall in and out of love easily? i just don't get it. its so difficult for me to un-love a person. i have a friend who is in love right now. you are probably reading this entry. you know who you are. i really hope you will be careful in choosing your partner now. i know you have been hurt for sooo many times. don't fall in love too easily, ok my friend? i care for you and therefore i am advising you.. :P ok, good news. i won lottery. like.. finally? yesterday while working, i told one of my cousin that how wonderful if money were to fall from the sky. i wouldn't have to be so hardworking then. he replied that that will only happen in movies. oh well, now i've strucked lottery, i am thankful to HIM. yeah, ironically. hahah. it is against my religion to gamble. but since i'm already doing it and mostly everyone's doing it, why should i care? rofl.. i got to know that even my mother tongue teacher plays lottery. another way to get rich fast and lose your money in 1 minute! the next time i feel like wasting my ten bucks, i should just go with it. who knows, i might win big time; next round. i am thankful for the amount that i've won now. i'm a spoilt brat. i really am. don't you think so, b? if i don't get what i want, i will throw my tantrums. if i get what i want, i will be happy. duh. lol.. i've been this way since i was young and its a bit hard to change that character of mine. well at least it doesn't affect many people and only 1 person is affected by it. :P probably you pamper me too much and less of it makes me think that i am losing it. true? i'm such a baby. haha. even though i am no longer a teenager, but when i am with you, i feel as though i am back to being a kid. i even took you for granted. took advantage of you. guys, what an ass, i am right? rofl.. i'm happy this way! i think i want to go shopping tomorrow. think of getting dannie's an inflatable 'swimming pool'. there are so many things that i need to settle too. need to settle my sisters' bills, send my mom to her bone doctor and not forgetting myself too. i need to go to the doctor to have myself checked or someone will just sulk at me. :P |
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i thought sometime alone was what we really needed. you said this time would hurt more than it helps. but i couldn't see that. i thought it was the end of a beautiful story. and so i left the one i loved at home to be alone. i tried to find out if this one thing is true that i am nothing without you. and i know better now and i've had a change of heart. i'd rather have bad times with you than good times with someone else. i'd rather be beside you in a storm than safe and warm by myself. i'd rather have hard times together than to have it easy apart. i'd rather have the one who holds my heart. i hearts you. ...and then i met someone and thought he could replace you. we got a long just fine, we wasted time because he was not you. we had a lot of fun though we knew we were faking. love was not impressed with our connection and they were all lies, all lies .. i can't blame you if you turn away from me, like i've done you. i can only prove the things i say with time, please be mine. what a bad day today. i don't think she's worth mentioning that you are my aunties and uncles.
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to have an ulcer right beside my wisdom tooth is the last thing that i want it to happen to me. i don't really feel like talking because it will definitely hurt more. and eating is something that i dread to do; for now. but i am always hungry these days. i don't know why. couldn't possibly say that i am growing, right? because i grow-ed tooooo much. :P rofl.. waited at hyundai showroom for 4 freaking hours. helped to send dad's car for servicing and he gave me 100 bucks! :D well, kind of worth it because i can buy my energy booster. i might need those sticks on saturday, man. i will be working on night shift. when it comes to travelling all the way to the end, my sickness will surely come back. and that is the L* sickness. how i wish i can have my own personal chauffeur not a family's chauffeur. rofl.. oh by the way, i will be posting a personal letter in my next entry.. so guys, stay 'tuned'! hahaha.. PS: L means L.A.Z.Y |
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the air on the early morning train is so fresh. no stinky breaths and no crowd. perhaps only a minor of them with stinky breaths as compared to the afternoon train. i was on the way to the other end of the east west line when i came across this duck-faced auntie. seriously i think she has problem with people reading bible; i guess. she kept looking at this guy and looking pissed and kept rolling her eyes at him. like.. what the freaking hell? what's your problem? its not as if his bible reading affects you. well, from the way i see it, that guy is quite good looking and has nice forehead. unlike her who has super wide forehead and makes up like those chinese opera people. rofl.. luckily she got off at somewhere in the middle of the east west line. ok, the interview went well. i got the job immediately. thank goodness. the working environment really suits me. no dress code and no formality. we can do what we want but when it comes to work and customers; serious babe! :) i'll probably waste my time smoking and drinking.. :P just kidding. from what i heard, the operation manager there used to stay in changi prison for 14 years because of murdering someone(what the hell?!?!). if it is really about murdering someone, how could he be let out of the prison? i thought it would be something heavier? probably hang to death? oh well.. rumours or not.. doesn't affect me. :P i will be on night shift tomorrow. that is from 11pm - 7am. will see how i can cope. luckily i used to work sunrise shift at one of the 24 hours convenient stores before. hopefully its not going to be so bad afterall. well guys, wish me luck! tag me with luck! ahaha... b.a.c.k.i.n.m.y.a.r.m.s.?
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i'm too fucked up to even fucking care what people think of me.. and listen up to what i am going to say.. i can't fucking believe you are too fucking busy to say sweet nothings to me. its been a fucking long time since you last whispered them to me. fucking msn fucking sms fucking phone FUCK! don't fucking sms me now because i won't read your fucking message because i am a fucker who fucking likes to be pampered and if you don't have fucking time for me, please fucking tell me. don't fucking force yourself, fuck! just when i was about to fucking lie down this has to fucking happen and now i am seriously fucking pissed. please don't fucking waste your money on a fucker like me. i don't fucking deserve your money. i won't accept any fucking gifts from you anymore. i have my fucking money and i can fucking use it to buy my own things! thanks for your fucking care & concern you can just fuck off! fucker. this is terribly powerful and harsh. i was aghast when i read this.. ohhh wee... i'm good.
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mom nagged at me for not finishing my food these past few days. i can't help it. i just don't feel like eating. i just don't have any appetite for food except those cancer sticks.if you know what i am talking about. :P had a very bad night yesterday. we were stuck at the expressway for three fucking hours. big boy created problem and its something got to do with the pump and the oil. wasted three fucking hours pumping the filter and in the end, there is no pressure. i was already so sleepy and hungry. thank goodness my cellphone's battery is not flat. at least dad can keep calling me. and so he did till he rushed down himself with my mom. mom told me that dad drove the car super fast till she felt like flying. that somehow made me smile for that night. :P this is ridiculous! i've not been talking to you for more than 3 days. how is this happening? don't you miss me? don't you wish to talk to me? don't you wish to see me? argh, well, i assumed that you are not really affected by all these. sigh, now i know what loneliness is. i really have to be independent. are you testing me? there are a lot of questions on my mind; wanting to ask you. i shall just brush it off. anyway, i remembered you telling me that you will be so busy and you have your dues and deadlines. so yeah.. good luck to you and for everything. by the way, we did go to haw par villa on sunday. yeah, it was cool.. you know family outing. but there is someone missing and everyone was like asking.. argh, damn it. we took lots of pictures and i definitely don't look good on all the pictures. even though i am fat and ugly, at some pose, i can look quite cute .. hehehehehe... but that day, it was totally different. where is my sunshine? [please don't take my sunshine away] m.i.s.s.y.o.u PS: pardon me for my few blogs but i don't know exactly what i am saying as i was under emotional stress & you know it.
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me: can i have one sliced fish soup with milk? auntie: ok, can. what mee for your fish soup? me: erm, i want the thin mee hoon; like mee siam auntie: take a seat, i will send it to you. ... and i waited half an hour for the mee... upon seeing all my family members finishing their food, i started to get agitated. did she forget my order? or.. she's just slow? i told myself to be patient till i can't wait no more.. mat: erm.. sliced fish soup? me: *phew* finally.. [i stared into the bowl...] me: THIS IS BEEHOON LAKSA!!!! i hate bee hoon laksa!!!! mat: but you ordered this, right? me: ^%$#%$#! forget it. i am just too tired to argue. i didn't want to waste my dad's money so i just sipped the gravy. rofl! dad gave my maid money to buy me chicken rice instead. |
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mom planned to bring us to haw par villa today. but will it happen? :P she's always bringing the time forward and in the end; cancelled. well, hopefully it will happen. at least my weekend won't be that boring. bleah. i need to ask you guys something.. what is love? my answer would be... love is when you see an old couple walking down the street, holding hands. that is sweet, right? :) what about yours? sigh, i don't understand what love is. you won't feel so deeply in love when that person is right beside you. but when they are no longer by your side, you will miss them deeply and realised that in fact, you love them much more. treasure your loved ones when they are next beside you. don't take them for granted. don't take advantage of them or you would have to suffer the consequences. i'm telling you this from experience. if i were given a chance to correct the situation i am in now, i will.. i definitely will. i am willing to forgo everything but i can't. its the pride and ego that is holding me back. will i ever hear you apologising to me? i don't think so. normally its always me professing the word "sorry". argh. fuck it. will things go the right way, now? i don't know. i really don't know. should i just leave you alone and let you lead your own life peacefully? "ITS NOT THAT I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU. ITS I CAN LIVE WITHOUT YOU BUT I DON'T WANT TO." - babe. hypothetically of course. are there some things better left unsaid or would you rather know instead? are there some wars not worth fighting? some tears are not worth crying. what if this happened to you what would you want me to do? now you don't have to tell me how it feels. there is nothing about lonesome that i don't know. sigh. waking up alone's a bitter pill. you take one every day and swallow slow. "you know the why i feel about you, you know the way i feel about you, now and forever" -bubu.
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how do i struggle this "hardship". i miss you. m.i.s.s.y.o.u no calls. no messages. no no no.. |
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yesterday was the first time we brought abang out for a swim. looks like he's not afraid of the water. he enjoyed being in the water and also, looking at girls!! rofl.. he is only 6 months old? how cute is that. he will scrutinize at girls wearing bikini. how weird for him to be scrutinizing girls at his age. :P everything went smoothly and everybody enjoyed swimming but not me. someone's missing. i'm not complete. i can just feel the loneliness and emptiness. i'm really sad that you were not there with me. how do i explain to you the fact that i don't choose friends? and also, no! no strings attached between me and him. can't you at least be more forgiving? i know he hurt you so badly and i was hurt too. i forgived him. " even the prophet muhammad forgives his 'citizen'.. why can't you forgive him?" i'm not siding anyone here. i just want things to work out fine between you two. because of this, we often argue and you will blame me for siding him and wanting to be with him. please my dear, understand me. i don't want any disputes anymore. i just want to enjoy every single day of my life. you once told me that my threat is not working on you, right? shall i make it real then i can convince you? yes, i can't deny that it is going to be hard and tough for me. infact, i am missing you right now. but then.. argh.. fuck it. fadz, please take good care of your belongings, the next time ok? you were lucky enough to have met someone so kind and considerate. :P and also thanks to my dad who forced the hell out of me to follow you to bukit batok to check out your pouch. shall i buy you a pin so that you can pin the pouch to your shirt? hahahaha. please be careful, alright? and your money.. keep in the bank if you don't intend to spend it.. or a better idea.. give me! :D hahaha. |
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i get it quite bad, to put it mildly. as if the physical symptoms (spots, bloatedness, lethargy, etc.) aren't bad enough, there's the whole emotional side to it too, which, in my opinion, is worse. from what i've gathered, it manifests itself differently in different people (ranging from mild to massive). but i guess increased sensitivity is experienced across the board...increased sensitivity to words (spoken/unspoken), actions, weather, sound/noise, sad/depressing situations. suddenly you become acutely aware of the hushed silence in the room upon your entry (which could sometimes be due to over-sensitivity...or not). you find yourself getting extremely annoyed over the most trivial of things. and the most irritating part is that you are very aware of what is causing all these. it's not me, it's the bloody hormones! i won't , i must not let it get to me...i feel my grip tighten around the mug as i will my heart to stop beating so wildly. i bite my lip as i try to stop the rage -induced tears from forming and falling. i once saw a documentary that presented a hypothesis for the purpose of pms. it's most probably a case of designing an answer to fit the problem but it makes sense to me all the same. they postulated that pms plays a crucial role in the selection of mating partners. since it coincides with ovulation, it functions to separate the princes from the maggots, if you may. the slightest annoying/disgusting trait will turn the female of the species off and in the long run, prevents that particular trait from being passed down to her offsprings. yes, it sounds very primal and scientific but it's plausible. after thinking long and hard, i distinctly recall two people who i've labelled as perpetual pms sufferers. one is james (yeah, a guy) from the student office...only cos he's so grumpy all the time. but he's been very nice to me this year and i shall retract the earlier statement about him. the other is the korean phd student who seldom smiles and always tortures us during our seminar presentations. i also wish to retract the label that i gave her cos i think she's just a very unhappy person. pity. a couple of years back, i berated a friend of mine cos he was exceptionally fond of using pms as an excuse when i don't treat him nicely. he caught me at a bad time and received an earful about how he shouldn't be making remarks about something that he's never experienced and how this is something which is mostly beyond our conscious control. ok so fair enough, some guys pass such remarks cos they're ignorant and they think it's funny. however, i feel it's a shame that some girls think it's alright if they are the ones who do it. when, in actual fact, they are the ones who should have a better understanding of the matter. it's already tough enough to handle without having to deal with cheeky comments. well, some of them don't get it as bad as others...probably explains the varying attitudes towards it. i guess one has got to understand that no two people experiencing pms have the same thoughts and feelings circulating within them. i don't go around asking moody people, "pms issit?", with a silly grin on my face unless they're guys or i know for sure that it's not pms. treat other people as you would like to be treated. what i've written here is not representative of the entire female population. i speak for myself and probably for a fraction of the population who've been through similar experiences. to me, it is a weakness. a weakness that confronts me each month, a weakness that i fight & wish to overcome, a weakness over which i seem to have very limited control, no matter how hard i try. now, you tell me, do you fancy people making fun of your weaknesses? i'm not asking for special accommodations to be made but a little respect would be nice. p.s. if i'm mean to you all the time, then sorry love. oh didn't i mention...pms also transforms me into an evil, straight-talking, brutally honest monster. haha...who am i to talk about respect then, huh? shame.
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for those of you out there who buys 4D, please buy today's date. rofl. you want to know the reason why? simple; i ate burger king for brunch earlier. everyone around me knows how i terribly hate burger king. some thought i hate BK because of its high price for each meal. no, that is not the reason. the price doesn't matter to me when it comes to food. :P there was once, i ate the rendang double meal for dinner and 8 hours later, i kept vomiting and visiting the toilet. the next day, i went to my family clinic and was told that i have food poisoning and was down with a really high fever. ok, that was years ago. i might consider having my meals at BK again. that's because, i just realised how wonderfully, sinfully, fantastically and turn-onically delicious the mushroom swiss double is. do i get the name right? rofl. after our brunch, we walked around west mall because my elder cousin wanted to buy her dad's shaver. apparently, converse is having their sale right in the middle of west mall. how sweet when B offered to buy a shirt for me. i went to take a look and i don't seem to like it. you know me and the collars, very sensitive and fussy. haha. by the way, thanks for offering. so sweet of you. i never had someone pampering me that way. overall, i had a good day today. with the exception of my stupid illness.. i am still happy. you know.. despite the pain and all that i am going through right now.. you know what i am talking about, right dear? and still, i am all alone. butttt... i shouldn't brag about having no one caring for me. i mean, that's not important because i should be glad that i overcame everything and am still living. :D medical fees: $350 + $60 + $45 = $455. that doesn't include all the taxi fares. if i were to include, that would be $480. sigh.. money flies just like that. wednesday is a day where i will never forget. i won't, seriously. i'm sorry liz. for not accompanying you to chinablack. to be honest, i miss clubbing. i really do.. :) but i can't for now, wait till i have recover ok?
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i' ve achieved so many things in life and i am so proud of myself. many of you out there might think that it's something major in life. the fact is its not that major. just those little things that makes me feel proud. lol. you know what i am talking about, right b? 1. driving license 2. certificate 3. ocbc 4. loneliness 5 laziness i was awakened by the commotion made by my mother, maid and sisters early this morning. i woke up with a jolt and immediately ran to my mother's room. my baby brother just fell from the bed. oh oh. if my dad were to know about this, he would surely flare up. thankfully, he has only an 'egg' on his head. so much for taking and keeping a look out for him~ rofl.. why are there more and more malay teenagers snuggling and cuddling in public with their school uniform? its such a disgrace. i was appalled when i saw a malay couple wearing an ITE uniform french kissing in public. so disgusted by that act of theirs. that guy had this quizzical expression when kissing! haha. what a joke of the day. yes, its normal for couple to engage in such stuff but do it discreetly. then, if you want insert your 'snake' into the 'tunnel'; who cares, right? no wonder the public perception of 'these' people are always negative. erm.. and their thoughts of them are always apt. :) |
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haha! this is the fifth time i changed my blog skin. i have made up my mind to be simple and sweet. :P yes, i know my blog ain't even least sweet looking. but at least the content uh. haha i don't understand why i keep getting disconnected when i am using a modem. its not like i am using dial up. oh yeah, talking about dial up, i still rememver vividly when i used dial up as my internet connection. rofl! once i get hold of the telephone cable, everyone in my family will definitely sigh. haha, i will take my own sweet time to surf and chat. oh dear, how inconsiderate i was. :P and so, dad decided to sign up broadband for me. but it seems that this broadband is much worser than dial up. at times, i feel like smashing the stupid stingray modem on the floor! i miss clubbing. i miss dancing. i miss shedding my little little fats. rofl! i hope that i will recover soon so that i can go clubbing. it seems that i am missing so much thing in my life. i am really sick and tired of staying home. it makes me feel much more 'sicker'.. day by day. how would you feel if your friend turn down your invitation because of a guy? mind you, its not only that guy. its different guys everytime. sick, right? she always complain to me that she has no money to go out and all & i always found out that she lied. rofl.. pay me my money first ok? don't make me embarass you in front of your friends, ok? please stop flirting and be serious for once. your attitude and behaviour disgusts me a lot! -phew-
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something outrageous happened last night. yes! it has got to do with public toilets. ah huh, don't get 'conned' by their cleanliness. i am telling you this from experience. the next time if you want to use the public toilet, check everything to make sure it is working. and not only working but working fine! the everything that i mean here is [1] make sure the flush is working very well. [2] make sure the tissue paper is enough for your own usage. [3] make sure there is water running from the pipe to the sink! yeah, i know, when mother nature is calling and its an emergency call, nothing else matters. you have only one thought in mind. that is to let go of the 'load'. sorry guys. but i don't think i will be sharing my experience here. it is too personal for me. lol.. so embarassing! i am glad my cousin helped me last night. he is still the same. the humourous, lame, blur and duh guy. he makes me laugh every single minute with his stupid jokes. i can see that he is really excited with his new handphone that my uncle bought for him. so cute! we talked about memories. memories that make us cry, laugh, smile and also short - term hatred between both of us. oh well, when we were erm.. 10, 11? rofl. he is such a gentleman. whoever gets to be with him is so lucky. with the exception of his blurness and duhness. :P i can't wait for 2007! that is when i will turn 21 and get the 'key to life'. hahahaha. nah, that is not what i am aiming. not that now i am not having my own life. infact, i am thankful to both of my parents for having so much trust in me. let me tell you a secret.. haha! and don't judge me based on my secret.. :P i want to go to yangtze cinema to watch RAs! rofl. i read xiaxue's blog about her experience watching movie at yangtze. i think its an experience not to be missed! oh dear. laptop's battery is running low. got to go. till then.. |
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yes, that was what i told the taxi driver to do; keep the change. i was in a rush to get home because of my failing vision and spinning head. the hot and blazing sun just makes my condition worse. the sky is literally grey in colour. where does the sun comes from since everything's so dark? i was greeted by my handsome brother at the door. "ahhh, what a relief" i thought. somehow, psychologically his smiling face can make me feel better. just when i was approaching him, he cried. i wondered.. why did he cry so badly? was there a ghost sitting on my shoulder? ps: you know how these kids can see things that we can't see..i wonder.. erm.. oh yeah~ a note to my dear. sorry for rejecting your call earlier. i was sleeping and couldn't bring myself to talk. i was feeling weak and stupid. don't want to be answering your questions with "hmm.. ha hmmm ha.." you know me.. :P
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"since you are bored, why not you try blogging?" - a friend. i blogged twice. there are just too many sad events that i posted for my two blogs. looking at my current theme for this blog, it says.. "d0n't turn back" and yup. you won't find me blogging about the past. hopefully things will turn out better this time. i've learnt not to be too contingent on another. i was never into blogging at that moment of time. it was just the "trend" that everyone was talking about online. and so i followed and tried till i ran out of words. you can say that i've learnt new vocabularies but hell no i will put into good use on my current blog. sometimes.. it just won't match. [rofl] to those out there who really bothers about good english, i advise you to navigate from this page. thank you. :D PS: i don't really know whether its my computer or what.. but i can't seem to set the time and date for this entry. so, its going to be date-less and day-less unless i manually typed it. :P
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