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the most important ingredient we put into any relationship is not what we say or what we do, but what we are. it seems to me that the best relationships, the ones that last, are frequently the ones rooted in friendship. the reason we all like to think so well of others is that we are all afraid for ourselves. you know, one day you look at the person and you see something more than the night before, like a switch has been flicked somewhere, and the person who was just a friend is suddenly the only person you can ever imagine yourself with. if we want to be loved, we must disclose ourselves. if we want to love someone, he must permit us to know him. this would seem to be obvious. yet most of us spend a great part of our lives thinking up ways to avoid becoming known. indeed, much of human life is best described as impersonation. don't you think so? we are role players, every one of us. we say that we feel things we do not feel. we say things we did not do. we say that we believe things we do not believe. we pretend that we are loving when we are full of hostility. we pretend that we are calm and indifferent when we are actually trembling with anxiety and fear. nobody really cares if you're miserable, so you might as well be happy. of course we cannot tell even the people we know and love everything we think or feel. but our mistakes are nearly always in the other direction. even in families -- good families -- people wear masks a great deal of the time. the best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up. i think i am done with all the crappings. sorry if its really crappy. its just one of those days where you just want to crap all the way. oh yeah, congratulations to siti murni! love you. :*
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